1. Thou shalt not praise Shanghai, nor move down to it, for Beijing is a filthy jealous mistress.
2. Thou shalt complain about the air quality, the traffic, and the fake alcohol, but thou shalt love that it scares away the unworthy, for Beijing shews mercy unto the thousands that love it and keep its commandments,
3. And when you invite those thousands to your party, thou shalt not take their email addresses in vein! thou shalt BCC or risk the wrath of the vengeful spam gods, who will not hold you guiltless.
4. Thou shalt remember the sabbath day: in it thou shalt not do any work, and thou shalt brunch, and picnic, and so shall everyone else you know, for all of Beijing has blessed Sunday-funday, and hallowed it.
5. Thou shalt honor thy alma mater at the alumni ball, and honor father christmas at santacon.
6. Thou shalt not kill yourself riding home drunk, or climbing on top of buildings, or getting in fights at Latte. Not even if it seems like a good idea at the time.
7. Thou shalt not commit, and thou shalt definitely not be adulterous, which I’m pretty sure means “like an adult” … right?
8. Thou shalt not consider pirated DVDs and knockoff North Face “stealing”
9. Thou shalt not check-in falsely on foursquare, unless it is to somewhere hilarious.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ayi, nor their bicycle, nor their courtyard, but you can totally covet their ass. God knows we all do.